not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
50% drunk capacity currently
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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