I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
