Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
