did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
