More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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