i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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