im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
