She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
