not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
