maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
