Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
