I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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