It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
