she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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