So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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