we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
