Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
