dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We're too hungover to prance.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
