Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
