So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
