she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
