you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
