Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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