I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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