Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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