I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
