The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize