So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
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I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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