if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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