I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
