I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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