all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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