we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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