Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
