like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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