yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
