I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
