its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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