your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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