He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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