I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
