I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
