and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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