Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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