Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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