just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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