I just pynch a tree in the face
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
