I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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