She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
