Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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