Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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