I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
