I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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