yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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