If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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