Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
3 2 1 whiskey
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
