My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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