your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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