you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
