VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
