I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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