He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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