it was like eating out sand paper
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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